February always brings love to the forefront of the mind, although it ought to remain a constant fixture in the heart and frontal lobe. For a lot folks, love is structured interrogatively — like JLo famously did for her 7th Studio Album: “Love?;” as opposed to declaratively.
Love alludes most. I’m not talking about marriage — that’s not an accurate KPI for love. As Musiq Soulchild sang, “So many people use your name in vain.” Human beings are fascinating. We project our unaddressed conditioning and insecurities onto others, then call it love. If you aren’t a JLo zealot (how dare you?!), here’s another lyric. “Baby, that ain’t love, I believe you’ve got the wrong emotion.” Thank you, REO Speedwagon.
Admittedly though, it’s not my place to judge. What I would like to do however is invite us to reflect on the “Greatest Love of All” (cue the Whitney Houston Classic —RIP)! The imperative one (title pun intended): the love for self. Now, I know from my own experience the visceral reaction here will likely be, “what are you talking about, Willis?” Of course, I love myself! Mmm, let’s think about that for a hot second…
Life has a natural ebb and flow; yin and yang; positive and negative, light and dark…ultimately, a balance. As human beings, we also embody this same interconnected symmetry. It’s easy to love our good parts — hey, what’s not to love, right?
Well, a whole lot, if you look deep enough.
When I used to say to myself: of course, I love myself! But, my exterior reality didn’t match that thought…I had to force myself to pause, reflect, and dive inward. Incessantly putting myself in situations that undervalued my presence — across every imaginable sphere in life, made me realize — — wait for it: I did not love myself fully. What a hard lesson to learn… the universe was essentially reflecting back to me what I intrinsically thought of myself. Painful to admit…but, that’s the harsh truth; dishing it out the only way a Scorpio knows how to take it — served up direct with a dash of no-nonsense.
Let’s be clear: loving yourself isn’t about self-aggrandizement, selfishness, stagnation, or perfection. And, it’s certainly not arrogance masking insecurity. It’s about “learning to love yourself” and holistically embracing every aspect of your composite: for better or worse (now, there’s a vow well-applied). BUT, only after you’ve delved deep enough to search around the dark corners of your depths; shown the light on the ‘ugly;’ hugged it; healed it; acknowledged the residue that remains; and finally, accepted said residue while being aware of its presence.
The love of self informs all other interactions in life from friendships, relationships, family ties, and even career trajectory. Think about it: the ability to set healthy boundaries and say no, the value of self-worth in negotiating, the people we attract; all stem from the deep-rooted, subconscious love for ourselves.
But, as Oasis put it: “don’t look back in anger…at least, not today.”
Alas, the keys to constructive reflection are anchored in: taking full accountability; releasing bitterness; and having gratitude — for everything that came to teach us the lesson. Then, moving on in a more conscious way.
Here’s the “Cliff Note” explanation to the imperative title, literally: unconditionally loving ourselves and loving others is inherently part of our spiritual coding but because of a myriad of fear-based factors, conditioning, egos, etc.; we miss the mark. True love for others can only manifest from true love for self. So, make sure to love you first.
Happy Valentine’s — today and everyday…mostly to me and mostly to you.
#FSB140