Like Vanilla Ice, the baseline clip for this early ‘80’s classic by Queen with David Bowie caught my attention years ago. Even as a kid, I knew the lyrics from “Under Pressure” reverberated beyond the catchy rhythm. Throughout my adolescence and into adulthood, I found myself coming back to the words in this tune’s chorus time and time again: “Pressure, pressing down on me; pressing down on you, no man ask for.”
Or woman, might I add.
The above seemingly ‘eccentric’ lyrics — trumpeted by equally ‘eccentric’ artists — makes total sense to me now. Whether we ask for it or not, society tends to push its expected roles, profiles, and life trajectories onto us. But, that doesn’t necessarily mean we have to abide— unless, of course, we genuinely want to.
Over the years and my global treks; the sociologist in me recognized a fascinating societal phenomena. Across even the most disparately variant peoples: a predetermined linear path to walk; instead of explore, was usually already outlined for the majority. And, it goes a little something like this: college, professional track, marriage, home, children, etc.
Let’s be clear: I’m not judging. If that’s for you —then, do you! But, if it’s not — then, don’t.
Well…how do you know if it’s not? As Matthew McConaughey potently said in his latest work, “Green Lights:” “Live the questions; then live what you believe.”
Don’t get me wrong. I clearly see, and wholeheartedly accept, the concentrated value of each expected life milestone. For example, marriage: facilitates union and partnership; kids: offer a sense of family and service to something outside of oneself; and education: is paramount to not only learning but thriving. My point of contention is not necessarily with the milestone or the outcome, but the means by which we are indoctrinated to get there.
What do I mean?
On marriage (thank you Khalil Gibran, for this flow); I read a quote by Jim Carrey recently that made me stop and laugh so hard, tears were streaming down my face: “Whoever invented marriage was creepy as hell. Like, I love you so much I’m gonna get the government involved so you can’t leave.” You have to admit, that’s pretty funny! Of course — marriage brings with it the potential for commitment, partnership, monogamy, support, and the greatest of all — love. It can be beautiful! But “marriage” is not the only avenue to attain all of these things. Actually, many times, it elicits the opposite — look up divorce rates. Point is: if the aim is for love, partnership and union—then, just love, partner-up and decide to join forces. If the aim is a wedding; buy a dress, throw a party, and just call it a day.
On children, there are many roads that lead to building a family nucleus; ones that don’t involve the side streets, cul-de-sacs, and U-turns of the marriage route. There’s adoption, surrogates, or even artificial insemination, for example. Why have we created so much hype and distractions around taking the alternative routes? Point being: if the objective is to have kids — then have kids.
On work and education; society needs a diverse majority to thrive. That includes the baker, the tailor, the candlestick maker, the creatives, and the innovators — not just the doctors, the diplomats, the lawyers, the engineers, and the accountants. Thus, education will inevitably come in various forms: vocational, school of hard knocks, the arts, intensive internships, travel gap years, in addition to — as opposed to exclusively, university degrees. Point is: learning and expertise come through many channels — tune in to the right one for you unapologetically.
I’m not bucking the trends for the sheer sake of rebellion. I’m asking these questions because many of us have accepted this trajectory as a universal truth, and the results are…well… look around.
Are we giving ourselves the opportunity to live? Or, are we adhering to societal programming and waiting on permission? I can speak for myself: for 41 years, I was adhering and waiting on permission. Until, I wasn’t anymore.
Therein lies the lynchpin to narrating your own life journey and story.
McConaughey’s words hit me hard because they are so spot on. The key to living an authentically spherical life is figuring out who you are by knowing what you aren’t, and then quickly getting about the task of living your essence across every imaginable sphere, be it professionally, personally, scholastically, etc. Too often in life, we can find ourselves auto-piloting: busy checking off a to do list in terms of tracking predefined “life accomplishments;” as opposed to just exploring, living, and asking oneself — is this step right for me?
Stop. Ask yourself if — not only the step, but the timing suits you. Then most importantly, if the path forward is aligned with what you genuinely want — not institutional projections, but your desired life outcomes. Then, decide how you want to get there — by way of a course you pave or by way of one already laid out.
Because as, Mercury and Bowie eloquently put it: “This is our last dance. This is ourselves.”
Do you. Be you.
#FSB140