Fear is a son of gun! Whether consciously or subconsciously; a majority of decisions we make on a daily basis are rooted in this invisible yet powerful emotion. Don’t get me wrong, fear is normal. Because fear, at its core, is not only an emotional response but a visceral human reaction. Think about it…the art of survival is ultimately colored by the many hues and shades of fear. The most incredible aspect of fear is the subliminal influence it has on the majority. No matter how educated, well-to-do, accomplished, abundant, resourceful, popular, etc., a person may appear — many live and move from a place of fear. Fear is always there. So, don’t try to keep kicking fear off life’s party bus. P.S. Fear can’t read social cues and has no sense that the ride or party is over, anyway.
Fear of failure, success, scarcity, abundance, the future, the past, judgement, heights, being seen, spiders, small spaces, large crowds, rejection, acceptance, life, death, pain, numbness, winning, losing, the future, hell, loved ones passing, not reaching the top, falling from the top, being alone, commitment, being too much, or worst of all — not being enough, plagues our mindsets, decisions and ultimately dictates the life we lead. Fear invites itself to the party bus for every ride! Sometimes it sits in the front; other times in the back. But, rest assured, it always RSVPs yes, and tries to go for the driver’s seat! Fear is pretty sly, too. It assumes the party is a masquerade ball so is well-disguised. Fear shows up as needing to control situations/people/results, operating under the radar, or constantly aiming for perfection.
News flash: life is gloriously messy and unpredictable. We are meant to experience it at its fullest; not skid through with the emergency brake up. In order to live life — take chances and release expectations! Liberation comes with showing up to experience the moment; as opposed to solely achieve an outcome.
That one mindset shift has a profound impact on relationships, work performance, serenity, even public speaking. In public speaking for example, a majority of anxiety is rooted in how other’s will perceive what we are saying, i.e., competency, semantics, presence, knowledge, tone, etc., which is crippling for the speaker! Whether pitching, doing a keynote, or even a zoom call: it’s only when we release the focus of others’ opinions and the outcome of said public speak, can we free ourselves to just show up, experience, and contribute. Instead of “Gee, I hope they like me”, it’s “(I know) I have something valuable to contribute — take it or leave it.” Trust me, it is a lot easier to catch your breath with that mindset; as opposed to the one focused on the external.
The most common misconception around fear is that people doing amazing things with life — whether performing a live concert, falling in love, speaking in front of the masses, or jumping out of an airplane — are fearless. I call BS! We are scared out of our minds! The difference is, we took that anxious energy and used it to get ready — whether to practice the musical notes, open the heart space, practice the speech multiple times, or train for the jump! The fear didn’t stop us. Nope — we just realized that fear was actually our most powerful, untapped energy. Our fear turned into positive action, i.e., excitement and preparation!
Moral of the story: don’t just invite fear to the party bus that is life. Ask it to jam out with you to your favorite playlist on the way to the main event! In the midst of your small talk, say: “I see you, I hear you, I feel you…but I am the bus driver and the party host.” Then, believe it or not, you’ll come to appreciate fear as one of your favorite riders and guests.
Finally, you’ll come to fear fear less; and simultaneously live life more.